Saturday, August 8, 2009

INTERNAL DISARMAMENT

Some Buddhist activists were sitting around discussing a project they had worked on in Tibet (cited in Dharma, Color and Culture edited by Hilda Gutierrez Baldooquin, 2004, pp.205-208); some of the participants just didn’t feel right about how the project went that had been initiated and successfully completed years earlier. As they dialoged about this, a major self-reflection came to the fore. Some of the group suggested that while they were working on the project they felt they were coming out of an inner space of anger; because of the nature of anger dissipating what otherwise would be positive energy, they had fallen into the trap of overemphasizing their activism, and losing the emphasis of their spiritual practice.

The writer of this short article described the need for internal disarmament, a phrase borrowed from the Dalai Lama. The world does need external disarmament in terms of our addiction to possess nuclear weaponry to kill off our enemies. But maybe we need internal disarmament in an even more cogent way.

When I read this, it resonated with me right away. I thought back to my hippy days, and how I would relate to the establishment. I remember the strong and raw feelings of anger, disappointment, shattered expectations that I experienced towards the systemic problems of our culture. My solution at the time was to get in the face of anyone who seemed to be a symbol of this misguided culture we call the US of A. My protesting ways were laced with the fuel of anger, and this also colored many of my assumptions and biases that I felt toward society in general, but particularly those who claimed to be authority figures within the White Male System.

I have had similar reactions (leading to semantic reactions) towards conservatives, Christian fundamentalists, and anyone I considered anti-progressive. I have had a lot of anger towards people within these movements, and I know that this has lessened my ability to listen and to dialog with people who hold to some of these views. Perhaps I’ve missed some opportunities to get to some action steps. The old saying rings into my mind: ‘There are a lot of people against something, instead of being for something.’

Don’t get me wrong, there’s much to protest, and to raise awareness about right now; in fact, we may live at a threshold time when there are more social injustices grabbing the jugular veins of people who have the least resources, and even those others who may not be labeled as “disadvantaged” who are ordinary human beings simply trying to survive, while the wealthy and powerful, continue on in their bliss of denial and lack of accountability to society.

What I learned I had to do was to take a step backwards in detachment, and then look at my own motives and rationale for doing what I do. Do I resist the inequalities of society out of vengeance and retaliation, or do I think and act out of a well thought-out and honest critique of what’s wrong about the way our institutions function?

As I’m experiencing life presently, what is the most difficult thing to comprehend is how the employees of big corporations just ‘go along to get along’ for the security of their jobs. I know that unemployment is a stressful factor, but to deny our own integrity and collude with the monsters that put food into our mouths is for me totally inappropriate.

My daily interactions with representatives of the power elites, aka politicians, corporate systems, insurance systems, are often conversations of neglect and indifference. When I write letters I almost never get a human reply—usually it’s just some form letter. Rarely do I find someone that actually thinks for herself, and isn’t just trying to get over on my needs and me. So I guess what I’m angry at is the omission of humane treatment. I want to see corporations, companies, organizations and other groups simply meet me on a human level, display some humble accountability to me because I pay their salary, listen to me on that level, and then try to be an advocate for me when possible.

Part of the solution for me is doing the hard work of transforming my own heedless and self-oriented conditioning to one of humanistic dignity. If I don’t continue to do this kind of healing for myself, I will continue to react in anger and anxiety. Societal retrogression is in exponential movement, and is largely based on societal anxiety run wild. So I commit to be centered in my own humanity so that I can empathetically confront and comfort those in need. So I see my need for internal disarmament—do you?

© Christopher Bear Beam, M.A. August, 2009

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